What If...? - Part Three
Yet more movie might've-beens...
What If… Quentin Tarantino Could Really Act?
After shining in his first screen acting gig - playing an Elvis impersonator in an episode of The Golden Girls - Tarantino becomes a darling of independent cinema. Without rabidly violent movies to appear in, Steve Buscemi picks up his hose and returns to fighting fires. Burly Michael Madsen, on the other hand, dedicates his life to working with children.
What If… John Hughes Had Stayed In Advertising Rather Than Pursuing A Career In Film?
While Hughes makes a fortune as a copywriter, Andrew McCarthy, Molly Ringwald, Anthony Michael Hall and James Spader are obliged to quit conventional screen acting and pursue careers in porn. Interestingly, Judd Nelson doesn’t seem that pissed of by the change in direction.
What If… Four Weddings And Funeral Had Been Released Under Its Original Title?
Mike Newell’s romantic comedy Toffs In Heat hits cinemas the world over and with it, the shit well and truly hits the fan. Leading man Hugh Grant receives such a critical mauling, he takes to performing in pantomimes and hosting children’s parties. As for director Newell, he misses out on acclaimed Mafia drama Donnie Brasco but finds work shooting wedding videos. Annie MacDowell, meanwhile, disappears off the face of the world. So, not all bad news, then…
What If… Al Pacino Was 6’ 8’’ Tall?
Al’s gangly frame significantly dilutes the intensity of his screen acting. Indeed, at two metres tall, the camera struggles to keep him in fame in scenes with ‘regular’ actors. Claiming that “the whole freakin’ system’s out of order!”, he quits the business to pursue his twin interests, fruit-picking and basketball.