What If...? - Part One
... River Phoenix hadn't died, Roger Corman hadn't been born and/or Don Simpson had just said 'no'? Time for a spot of cinematic speculation...
Note - Another piece from my days with Empire (Australia). Needless to say, ‘good taste’ wasn’t our main concern.
What If… Russell Crowe’s Stage Career Had Taken Off?
The press can’t say enough good things about the teenaged Russ’s work as one half of a Blues Brothers tribute act. Offered the lead in a production of The Boy For Oz, the boy from New Zealand jumps at the chance. The role of Hando in Romper Stomper goes to Home & Away’s Les Hill. Reviews are mixed.
What If… River Phoenix Hadn’t Died?
After enjoying a quiet night at The Viper Room’s weekly quiz, River Phoenix becomes a bigger star then ever on the back of his work in Dark Blood opposite Jonathan Pryce and Judy Davis. He follows this up with remarkable performances in Safe Passage and Interview With The Vampire where he plays the journalist assigned to interrogate Tom Cruise’s Lestat. His biggest breakthrough of all, however, comes playing dead rock star-turned-avenging angel Eric Draven in The Crow, a production celebrated both for its artistry and its exemplary on-set health and safety standards.
What If… Hell-Raising Don Simpson Had Been Drug Free?
Vegetarian pacifist Simpson spends his life making genteel, Merchant Ivory-style motion pictures. After falling out with his partner Jerry Bruckheimer over the latter’s lite-beer drinking, Don quits the business and marries his high-school sweetheart. A regular church-goer, Simpson dies on the toilet at a tragically young age from a tofu overdose.
What If… Low Budget Movie Legend Roger Corman Hadn’t Been Born?
With no means of getting a leg-up in the world of filmmaking, would-be directors Joe Dante, Martin Scorsese, Peter Bogdanovich, Jonathan Demme, Francis Coppola and Dennis Hopper enlist in the US Army and are sent to Vietnam. All are killed in action except Bogdanovich who is shot by his own men in the LAX departure lounge.