Sweeney! And Sweeney 2 - Two Reasons Why Nick Love's Flying Squad Movie Was So Shit
Shut it, you slags!
Ray Winstone, Ben 'Plan B' Drew, Nick 'The Football Factory' Love - it's safe to suggest the backers had very high hopes for the 2012 Sweeney remake.
So why was it so shit? Well, while there’s no end of possibilities, the biggest reason would appear to be the earlier big-screen Sweeney adventures, not forgetting the groundbreaking TV series those picture were spun-off from.
Since there's a very good chance you aren't old enough to remember it, The Sweeney was the crime show of the 1970s. Centring on the exploits of the Flying Squad (rhyming slang translation: 'Sweeney Todd'), the programme made huge stars of John Thaw and Dennis Waterman and gifted the English language such phrases as "Shut it!" and "We're the Sweeney, son, and we haven't had any dinner.”
And then there are the films. The first - Sweeney!, shot in 1977 - features a Who’s Who of British film and TV favourites. Barry Foster (Van Der Valk), Ian Bannen (The Offence), Colin Welland (Kes), Brian Glover (An American Werewolf In London), Diane Keen (Doctors), Bernard Kay (Doctors again) – my, you even get to see Oxo mum Lynda Bellingham in the buff.
Besides its cast of thousands, Sweeney! also features a compelling storyline in which Foster’s Alistair Campbell-esque PR exec attempts to corner an OPEC conference.
Rightly famous for lines like “Alright, Tinker Bell – you’re nicked!”, Sweeney the film, like the best episodes of Sweeney the series, also features bit player extraordinaire Tony Allen as Bill The Driver.
Allen makes his traditional uncredited appearance in 1980’s Sweeney 2. Boasting a bigger budget and Troy Kennedy Martin (The Italian Job) on screenwriting duties, the follow-up features a gang of bank robbers who use their loot to support an idyllic existence in Malta.
Add Nazi sympathisers, a porn actress and a vegetarian police officer to the mix and you have a pretty heady affair, made that much stranger by the familiarity of the cast – Denholm Elliot plays Regan’s corrupt mentor, the blaggers include Brian Hall (aka Terry the chef from Fawlty Towers) and Murphy’s Mob’s Ken Hutchison, and the Chief of Police is Sir Humphrey Appleby himself, Nigel Hawthorne.
Of course, Love's Sweeney made much of the presence of Drew, Damian Lewis and Hayley Atwell. But in the absence of true grit, genuine nastiness and truly ludicrous fashion choices, it’s little wonder the audience were imploring Ray and Plan to "shut it!" long before the end credits rolled.