Between 2000 and 2005 I wrote quite regularly for Total Film. But the first thing I ever wrote for the magazine? Well, that’ll be this - a look at infamous projects that somehow failed to make it beyond the boardroom.
Of course, a number of these films did eventually see the light of day. But it’s weird the ones that didn’t. And it’s strange to see who wound up making the ones that did…
Superman Lives
Would-be director: Tim Burton
Scripter: Kevin Smith
Not starring: Nicolas Cage
What’s the plot?: In a triple face-off with three of his greatest foes (Lex Luthor, Brainiac and Doomsday), the son of Jor-Els is slain in battle only to rise again to flog his all-American brand of cape-billowing revenge.
What happened?: With Batman helmer Tim Burton, comic anorak writer Kevin Smith and lantern-jawed Nic Cage all on board, Superman Lives (aka Superman Reborn) must have seemed like a license to print money. Desiute the big names, however, producers feared that £120 million was too much to spend on a franchise that had bottomed out in 1987 with Superman IV: The Quest For Pace. There was also concern over Cage’s redesigned costume (goodbye pants-outside-tights, hello moulded rubber) and Smith’s script which Warners insiders dismissed as ‘terrible’ and Burton immediately rewrote.
Although the trades were still talking positively about the pic in 1998, Cage now looks as likely to don the cape as Dale Winton. “I made the movie, only I didn’t film it,” said Burton after the studio canned Superman Lives. “It was going to be expensive and was probably too dark for the studio’s tastes.”
Whatever blame there was landed on the shoulders of Smith which is unfortunate as his proposed Fletch remake collapsed at roughly the same time. Still, much like Clark Kent, Superman Lives refuses to die. Recent insider talk has focussed on Batman producer Jon Peters who might take a crack at the Man Of Steel having read a new draft by 13th Warrior writer William Wisher Jnr, which has been described as “sans tights and more Matrix-like”. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Oliver Stone is currently sifting through Wisher’s script
Fantasy tagline: “The Man Of Steel Uncaged!”
Dino
Would-be director: Martin Scorsese
Scripter: Nicholas Pileggi
Not starring: Tom Hanks, John Travolta, Adam Sandler, Jim Carrey and Hugh Grant
What’s the plot?: Casino croupier Dino Crocetti changes his name and becomes singer/comedian/actor Dean Martin. He goes to LA. He gets drunk. He joins the Sinatra-led Rat Pack. He gets even drunker. He becomes a recluse following the death of his son. He dies on Christmas Day 1996. The end.
What happened?: With Kundun receiving a reaction that could charitably be described as ‘mixed’, Martin Scorsese looked to Nick Tosches’ bestselling Dean Martin biography as a means of reigniting his career. With Goodfellas scribe Nicholas Pileggi writing the script, Hanks was the unlikely target to essay Martin while Travolta, Carrey, Sandler and Grant were approached to play Frank Sinatra, Jerry Lewis, Joey Bishop and Peter Lawford respectively.
But then Carrey and Sandler’s stars rose and the already colossal casting budget sent the studio accountant’s bloody pressure through the roof. Plans to downsize things by recasting Chazz Palminteri and Aidan Quinn as Dino and Sinatra were scrapped after the release of the 1998 TV movie The Rat Pack, which starred Joe Mantegna as Martin and Ray Liotta as Ol’ Blue Eyes.
Despite talent scheduling problems, Scorsese still insists there’s a chance Dino could roll one day. That cast list reads like the stuff of Fantasy Star Leagues, mind.
Fantasy tagline: “King Of The Swiggers.”
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